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crazy- (Sunday) GIANTS vs. Packers game - (which = my life. I love the football season)
- RACHEL RAY tomorrow - so i get to miss half of school
I am sooo spoiled!
- Location:Home
- Mood:
ecstatic
I didn't tell anyone this but I have once felt stupid in one class and that was math class last year. After barely getting a D or C- on every test or quiz and failing some. I have come to hate that feeling with a passion. The need to rip the paper to shreds consumes me, and blinds me for a moment, making me forget where I am. Yet I would hold that in, barely in time and I'm able to rain in the small tears of heartbreak because I just can't seem to do well. The burning in my throat, due to repressing the tears is still fresh and I still remember the feeling when disappointment left and acceptance began. I DON'T want that again, instead I want to fight and go back to gettign good grades.
I want to feel like I'm smart and deserve to walk through those door everyday and into my honors English class. By I find myself dragging my feet and wishing that I could turn the other way. But I'll keep going because it's what my parents and colleges want. But sooner or later I hope it becomes what I want.
Then of course we have French class. Ahhhh the wonders of a foreign language where I dare you to form a complex sentence that doesn't include one word of english or one that didn't take you five minutes to think of in your head. Mr. Smith is a nice teacher and very funny but I miss Mr. Coste. He was my teacher for two years and I could trust him and not feel embrassed speaking my terrible french in his class. I would ask for help and he would just switch from french to english so I could understand why, understand how the sentence worked. Mr. Smith is not terrible but he knows everyone else in the class from freshman year, where as I had Madame G. Plus all he speaks in class is french, I understand that I forces us to pay attention, yet I find myself lost and unable to find the confidence to ask him to explain again.
I'm not alone though I have friends in the class, infact most are my friends. Yet they understand french so much better then I do. They remember more words and rules about grammer, tenses, and sentence structure. Maybe I'm just bad at languages in general. I mean both classes I hate happen to be in the area of languages.
It all really boils down to the fact that my pride has become used to not caring. "Oh a bad grade, whatever, why should I care." I probably need a good cry where I don't have to force it. But maybe a sit down of people shoving information down my throat that I can do better that I just need to figure out what works for me. How I need to study and for them to hear that they care about my academic acheievement.
OK I'm reigning back in my emo chick moment of OMG the world is coming to get me, someone stop it now.
It's only the beginning - crap.
- Location:Home
- Mood:
crushed - Music:Somewhere Over the Rainbow
- Location:Home
- Mood: crappy
- Music:Outside Looking In
Tonight:
- 2 math assignments and a practice quiz for the quiz we are having tomorrow
- Chemistry project that sucks
- English responce to Catcher in the Rye - which I didn't even like
- Lesson Plan
- Chemistry Homework
- French packet
Weekend
- History paper (10 - 12 pages)
- History Homework
- Study for Chemistry and History test
- Chemistry make-up work
I'm kind of fuck.... this is what i get for procrastinating.
- Location:Home
- Mood:
scared - Music:Over It
